


Loser

by Gaia_ninja



Category: Persona Series
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-04
Updated: 2010-09-04
Packaged: 2017-10-17 09:39:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/175465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaia_ninja/pseuds/Gaia_ninja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How could an undefeated boxing champion lose every battle that mattered? Akihiko struggles with who he loves, and who they chose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loser

**Author's Note:**

> Here I go, torturing Akihiko Sanada again. I love this character I really do.

Akihiko stared at the wall where the noise came from. He knew what he heard but he wished it was his imagination.

 _Ah..._

There is is again.. the feminine moan. He held his fists so tightly that his knuckles became white.

 _Shinji... aah..._

Even though it was torturous to hear he made no efforts to move or do anything to mute the sounds coming from his wall-mate. He hated every second of this, but he was convinced that this was somehow making him stronger. As much as it hurt he would sit in his dark room and hear them make love.

He loved them both so dearly, but hated them for their betrayal. Shinji, his _brother_ and Mitsuru... Mitsuru.. the only girl to ever catch his eye.

But was it really betrayal? He could never really talk to her if it wasn't involving school or shadows. She would always listen to him patently as he stumbled over his words then would give up and quickly change the subject.

"I'm not even strong enough to tell Mitsu.. how I feel about her. This is my punishment. I have to hear _him_ fuck her." he thought bitterly.

A rapping on the wall tore him from his thoughts, a steady rapping and within seconds her moans grew louder. Akihiko could feel bile trying to climb it's way up his body.. but it would be weak to get sick now.

Even now, she still sounded so elegant... Why couldn't it have been him, why couldn't it have been him that she chose. He yearned to be near her, to protect her. He didn't even need to have sex with her, he just wanted to hold her in his arms. Prove to her that he could protect her and always be by her side.

 _I love you._

 _Heh, don't be stupid Kirijo_

He was able to prove that to her when Shinji left.

Saying that he and Mitsuru's relationship was turbulent was an understatement. He still had trouble expressing his feelings for her, talking to her.. and yet now he was her boyfriend. That had only happened during a nearly failed tempt to comfort her a month after he left them.

"I want to ...take you out to eat... uh that is if you haven't ate yet.." Akihiko said awkwardly. She smiled at him and looked into his eyes. They were finally talking steps into the right direction... only for it to fall flat again. It's not like they didn't try but Akihiko's crippling disabilities with his emotions and Mitsuru's fear of seeming weak really took a toll on their already shaky relationship.

Shinjiro always knew what to say, always had an incite to her feelings .. it was so painful when he left... not only did he abandon SEES but he turned his back on _them_ and never looked back. At one point she thought Akihiko would be able to fill that void for her, to be that replacement for Shinjiro... but she knew in her heart that was wrong. She cared for the silver haired boy, she cared for him to much to use him like that. Even if she could fall in love with him, now wasn't the time.

When she ended things with Akihiko, he seemed ..distant, of course. She expected him to leave her as well and she would be alone again. Surprising he stood by her side and in that moment the respect she had for the young boxer increased ten-fold.

Even though it was painful to just be her friend again, he would have to agree that at least for now they functioned better this way.

Akihiko and Mitsuru lived by themselves in that large dorm for a long time before they were able to find another to join their ranks, a second year student that was in the archery club. Akihiko could never figure out why she would act to cold towards Mitsuru. Then s _he_ moved in, the future new leader of SEES.

When he had truly first met her, he was carrying her to the downstairs lounge after she had summoned her persona for the first time. Even though she was unconscious, he couldn't help but notice how peaceful and.. Akihiko couldn't even find the words, but such trifles where not important at the moment.

As it turned out, she would be joining their team. Arisato Minako. She was different then the other female underclassmen living with them in the dorms. She was genuinely friendly and had a calming aura to her. Akihiko would be lying if he said he understood what that even meant but, he couldn't fight the urge to want to be.. near her.

He found himself falling into the same pattern he found himself in when he discovered deeper feelings for Mitsuru. He wasn't going to let himself fail like that again.

Even though he was able to see he had issues talking to the fairer sex, it didn't stop him from trying.. or did it? The day he gathered up the nerve to go up to her hall her class was on to speak to her he still mumbled and lost what he wanted to say in his throat before they came out of his month. Luckily for him... She picked up the conversation where he would have left it, asking him if he wanted to walk home from school with her. He silently thanked the gods for this opportunity.

During their walk home they mostly talked about the athletic clubs they were in and the possibility of exploring Tartarus that evening. It was a start.

In the next coming weeks he spent time with her after school, enjoying the small talk they shared but there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. She sure spent a lot of time with Iori... maybe.. maybe.. there was something going on?

It took nearly two whole days for him to mentally prepare himself to ask her that. No matter how he thought to say it... he was still listening to rumors and invading her privacy. He hoped he wouldn't offend her by asking what was the nature of relationship with Junpei.

He took his time when he asked her.. he tried to avoid staring at her but he wanted to read her face. A light blush settled on her cheeks and she smiled warmly and said "Oh, Junpei and I are just good friends."

Satisfied and relieved he was able to change the subject.. and talk to her without tripping over his words.

Things went swimmingly, for a little while.

When Amada joined, the mere mention of it caused Shinjiro to rejoin the group. Akihiko knew this so he had the envoker ready for that enviable day. Akihiko knew that Shinjiro had changed a lot since the incident so he wasn't surprised when Mitsuru didn't attempt to recapture their former status as lovers. If they were hurting because of it, they did a damn good join of hiding it...

For the most part his best friend kept to himself, usually sitting or standing away from the group. Ken also seemed like he had apprehension when it came to hanging out in the lounge area with his senpai. Minako didn't seem to care, she showed the two new comers with the same understanding and caring she had for her whole team. She took to taking Ken out to dinner when he didn't have much homework and every once in a while she would convince Shinjiro to go out with her when she was walking Koromaru.

Akihiko felt the twinge of jealousy in his heart again one evening when he saw her leave one evening with Ken.

"What's wrong with me... he's just a kid..." He rationalized to himself.

He could ignore the fact that the primary school boy had an obvious crush on the SEES leader, what he couldn't ignore was the fact that not only was Shinjiro opening up more to the team.. but he was opening up to _her_.

When ever he'd try to push her away, she always stood her ground, it was obvious that her feelings for him were shared. It became the most apparent the evening when they came back from walking Koromaru later then usual and she had his coat draped over her small shoulders.

Maybe he still had a chance.. maybe if he could just tell her how he felt about her...

As soon as classes let out he walked briskly up to her class and waited for her. When she came out of her class she greeted him warmly like she tended to do, making his heart melt with her smile. He asked to walk her home and she agreed. The walk to the train station was mostly quiet Akihiko was still piecing together in his mind just what he wanted to say to her.

"Umm, nice watch" He finally spoke up when he noticed the new jewelry.

"Thank you, Shinjiro-Senpai got it for me.." Her voice trailed off as she looked at the watch thoughtfully.

Akihiko felt his heart sink.

"Oh... that was n..nice of him"

That was the last thing he said to her before they reached the dormitory. Minako seemed unfazed by his sudden silence it gave her some time to think about what she was going to do this evening.

Once they were home, Akihiko sat on the couch looking very cross, the other underclassmen looked curious but they wouldn't dare bother him when he looked like that. Shinjiro stood off to the side near the kitchen and he watched Minako timidly walk toward him.

He took that gruff tone with her, but it didn't faze her.. it never did. Akihiko caught them speaking out the corner of his eye. It took everything not to just jump off the couch and punch his friend. But why, why? To fight for her of course... but what was this, the dark ages? When he saw them move towards the fount door without Koromaru, he knew he wouldn't be able to stomach seeing them leave, then come back arm in arm. Without words he walked upstairs to his room and laid down on his bed. He wasn't going cry, but he didn't even have the energy to abuse his punching bag. Perhaps he could just fall asleep and forget that all of this even happened. He knew he was just kidding himself.. but what could he do? Shinjiro.. had won again.

He was just on the verge of sleep when he heard the voice of his wall-mate. She... was in his room. He was mortified when he could hear every word of their exchange...

... then the whine of a bed supporting double the weight it was used to

then the sounds of pleasured agony...

 _Ahh_ ….

then the feminine moans, the labored breaths...

then the steady rapping of a bed against a wall.

then the elevated moans of a woman he cared about...

He fought it as hard as he could but the tears flowed from his eyes... and they wouldn't stop. All because he was too weak.. to weak to tell the woman he cared about how he felt.. again.

 _I love you Shinjiro.._

 _Yea, me too..._

He buried his face in his pillow and laughed at the bitter irony of it all..


End file.
